A Conversation With My Dad

My first Father's Day without my Dad is almost over.
Even though I have been dreading it, it was even harder than I expected it would be.

I could not let it end without writing this.

I miss my Dad. If he were still here, or if he is in some way listening from somewhere, here is what I would say to him:

Dad, I miss you.
Cooper is getting so big. Everyone says he looks just like me. Do you think so?
What is your favourite flavour of ice cream? I can't remember and it makes me so sad.
I have a hard time talking about you to anyone. Even/especially mom.
I want to know that you are okay. I wish there was some way that you could tell me that you are.
We are going home in a week and I am happy and scared at the same time. All of my summer Nova Scotia memories include you.
Mom feels your presence at the house. I hope I will too.
Jacob remembers you and knows you from the pictures we have of you and him together. I don't want him to forget.
He is growing up so fast. You guys would have had so much fun together this summer. So much fun.
Are you proud of me?
When I go for walks or am by the water, I always think of you.
I miss the sound of your laugh, your corny jokes and your made-up words.
Cooper is just about walking and can say yes, more and loves to give Jacob hugs and kisses.
I pretend all the time that you are not really gone.
When we think about starting a new project around the house, the first person I think of calling is you.
Randy wants to repair a hole in the drywall while I am away. Should I hide his tools?
I wish had taken more pictures of you and with you.
I don't believe in heaven or God really, but I hope so much that you somehow are watching over Mom.
Can you see my boys and how perfect they are? How sweet and funny and perfect?
I'll never forget our walks, the way you treated me like a little girl even in my 30s and the way you 'sang' your sentences.
You were a GREAT dad and wonderful grandfather.
I miss you Dad. I miss you every single day and I hate that you are gone.

happy father's day